trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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