she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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