just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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