So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
