Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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