Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Sober January is a disaster.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Randomize
