My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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