That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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