I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
