i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
