In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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