i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
home. puking in laundry basket.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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