just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
