just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
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