so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
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The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
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i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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