I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
