I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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