it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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