come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
