We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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