I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
