so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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