Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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