My Higher Power is John Stamos
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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