My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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