You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
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Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
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I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
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