I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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