when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
