Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
