Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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