At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
