Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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