The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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