And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Drunk is not a location!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
