After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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