my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize