Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
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i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
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I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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