So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
