I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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