the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
