I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
