I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
