eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
