I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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