im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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