i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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