I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
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