....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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