Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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