Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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