please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
