She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
