this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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