omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
