Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I need moral support for this bender
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
