erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
