so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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