I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
