i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
