Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Let's get the cat blown out
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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