Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
