Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
