I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
