First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
