I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
