apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
