So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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