when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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