the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
