New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
