Banned from zoo.
Again?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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