i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
