I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
