I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
