so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Also, beer. Big fan.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
