Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
