i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
