fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Randomize
