can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i love accidental penises.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
