The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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