the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
So apparently I’m into choking now
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